So I have to admit that this week has been a really hard week. I've only cried twice...one time harder than the other...the second time just simple tear drops...it's been a week of coming off a mission trip that which is always full of emotions...but a week of remembering. On Monday, June 9th it was one year ago that our friend Ashlee passed away. We didn't find out about it until returning home on June 13th and then I went into youth leader mode of consoling kids...and as I've thought I've dealt with things...it's one year later that I'm realizing maybe I haven't.
Today is one year ago that our Honduras mission team was involved in our accident..when a semi truck slammed into the school bus that was carrying our team. Last night as I lay in the arms of my husband, he just held me and allowed the tears to fall. I still ask, "what was God's plan in all of that?" I'm wondering now how I survived. Honestly....how did I survive physically and emotionally?
Ever since becoming a follower of Jesus....which was a direct result of my friend Katie passing away...which will be 8 years ago this Sunday...I have clung to the verse of Romans 8:28. I often refer to this verse as Katie's verse. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
We know God uses everything...everything. That's so hard to grasp my little mind and heart around...but everything. Even when I don't understand it. Even when I don't see the purpose. Even when I wake up having flash backs of screaming and flying through the air. Even when I get overwhelmed with emotion and just start to cry. ....I have to believe that their is a purpose. I have to believe that God has used this in my life and the lives of my kids. I have to believe that somehow God used this to bring His people closer to Him...and in that I will cling to Him.
So today...tears and all....as my husband looks at me and says, "Today we are celebrating." I look at him like he's crazy and say why? He says, "Because we are alive."
In closing for today, I'm going to share with you the words our dear beloved worship leader Kelli wrote in response to this day a year ago. May it remind you of how gloroius our Jesus is.
"To Be Alive"
1 Truck.
1 Bus.
29 passengers laughing as they talk about their day.
The bus driver screams
They're thrown from their seats
The semi slams and metal shrieks along its way.
You're thrown on the grass
As the sounds of breaking glass
Pierce through your ears awaking your worst fears.
You can't breathe.
You can't see.
Can you feel anything?
Can this be real?
God, can this be happening?
You open your eyes;
You're alive
And you don't know why.
You just stare, and then you stand and walk away.
You're alive.
You're alive!
And it feels like it's for the first time
You can see what it means just to be here.
Just the chance to glance
Just once more the joys of the world
And to give a little more than you've given.
And you'll try to find
All there is to life
Cause you know what it means
To be alive.
Back at home, the sun seems brighter.
You hug a little tighter
Embracing every smile that comes your way.
You love a little deeper,
Cause life's a little sweeter
When you see the glory in each day.
You're alive.
You're alive!
And it feels like it's for the first time
You can see what it means just to be here.
Just the chance to glance
Just once more the joys of the world
And to give a little more than you've given.
And you'll try to find
All there is to life
Cause you know what it means
You shouldn't be here;
You shouldn't feel this.
You shouldn't even know how great life is.
But you are here.
Yeah, you are here.
And you realize through the sweet taste of tears
There's a reason;
There's a purpose.
And God's telling you somewhere beneath the surface
You belong here.
You belong here.
You belong here.
You belong here.
You're alive.
You're alive!
And you know that it's for the first time
You can see what it means just to be here.
Just the chance to glance
If just once more, the joys of the world
And to give a little more than you've given.
And you'll try to find all there is to life
Cause you know what it means
What it means just to be
Now you know what it means
To be alive.
